Excuses Will Not Win Your Ex Back After Cheating

If you have cheated and want to win your ex back, don’t even think about making any excuses for cheating. If you have already thought of a way to explain – to make your ex understand and (hopefully) forgive you – forget it. Any excuse for cheating, however good it seems to you, will most likely ruin your chances of getting your ex back.

Cover of the Excuses HandbookThere is no excuse for cheating. You have probably heard this many times and it’s easy to dismiss as angry ranting that doesn’t match up to reality. But the fact is, it’s true. Your ex knows it and, deep down, you probably know it too – cheating is inexcusable.

For instance, you can explain the chain of events that led up to your cheating – the temptations, emotions, etc. – but however persuasive these events were no one forced your hand. At some point you decided to cheat, even though you knew it was wrong.

Classic Excuses for Cheating

Of course many a cheating ex will give a kind of “temporary insanity” plea saying they lost their sense of right and wrong because they were drunk or high. Even in a court of law, let alone face-to-face with your ex, intoxication is not an excuse for cheating.

Drink and drugs certainly make people less inhibited – less shy, less fearful and so on – but they do not wipe out a person’s sense of right and wrong, or force people to do things they don’t want to do. Remember, your ex has most likely been intoxicated themselves at some time, and knows this very well.

Another classic excuse for cheating is that “it didn’t mean anything”. It may well be true but it is likely to seriously provoke your ex. The obvious response is, if it meant nothing, why did you do it? Why did you shatter everything your ex believed in – believed about you and your relationship – for nothing?

The bottom line is, all excuses for cheating are likely to anger your ex, and backfire.

Why Excuses for Cheating Backfire

Excuses are by definition an attempt to justify something in order to get forgiveness. This is fine when it comes to explaining why you were late for work but there are no valid excuses for cheating.

Therefore, any attempt to justify cheating not only insults your ex’s intelligence and common sense, it hints that you have tried to justify cheating to yourself – that you are sorry, “sort of“.

What’s more, an excuse paints a picture of circumstances that could easily repeat themselves, giving your ex no reason to believe that you won’t cheat again.

Seeming half-sorry and describing situations that could easily happen again are hardly the way to win your ex back.

The truth is, you had an opportunity to cheat and you decided to take it. Drunk or sober, you knew that what you were doing was wrong and decided to act first and think later. Now you are in the thinking phase – without your ex – and deeply regret it. You probably hate yourself, wish you could turn back time, are desperate to win your ex back but afraid you never will.

You can get your ex back after cheating but you must understand that excuses are not going to win your ex back.

The key to forgiveness is how you feel about what you have done. To forgive you, your ex needs to believe that you are genuinely and 100% sorry for what you have done. They cannot believe this if you make excuses suggesting that cheating was not entirely your fault.

Own Your Mistake, Take Full Responsibility

You must be completely honest (to yourself as well as your ex) and admit the truth – that there are no excuses. You made an inexcusable mistake and take full responsibility for the terrible hurt you have caused your ex, and are truly suffering for it.

While excuses lack credibility, everyone, your ex included, understands it is possible to make a mistake and how terrible it feels to suffer the consequences of our own stupidity. The more your ex believes that you blame yourself 100%, the more they will be able to believe that you really are suffering, truly remorseful – and unlikely to cheat again.

So, a critical part of how to get your ex back after cheating is to stop focusing on how you can explain (i.e. excuse) what happened. Focus on forming an honest, emotion-based apology that makes it clear to your ex how you feel about what you have done – about the consequences of your own stupidity.

Think too about how your ex feels. It will be difficult to convince your ex that you are sorry for how you have made them feel without also showing that you understand how they feel. Think carefully about this. As well as feeling hurt and betrayed, they will feel angry, insulted, embarrassed, and hit hard in terms of self-esteem.

Taking full responsibility for cheating indicates that you accept the consequences – that you feel they are no more than you deserve. It is far easier to forgive someone who feels this way than it is to forgive someone who dodges responsibility for the way things have turned out.

For more advice, see these 10 tips to get your ex back after cheating.

You can also check out the best ebooks to win an ex back which include in-depth advice on tricky issues like cheating, and show you step-by-step how to win your ex back.

For instance, T Dub Jackson’s Magic of Making Up (review) includes a clean slate method that can be used with another technique in the plan to get a second chance after cheating.

An original No Excuses for Cheating article by Molly Laws, exclusive to this site!
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