If you want to know how to get your ex back and don’t know where to start, follow this simple step-by-step action plan. It contains free advice and tips on how to get your lover back and reconnect in a healthier, lasting relationship.
You can also check out our reviews of the top books on how to get an ex back, in-depth plans for getting an ex back that tell you exactly what you need to do.
In the meantime, here’s an overview of what’s involved – the key steps to getting an ex back.
Step 1 – Sit tight! – Wait before doing anything to get your ex back
You may have been crying “I want to get my ex lover back!” since the moment you broke up but there are good reasons to wait before making a move. These include the fact that your ex needs time for the reality of life without you to sink in.
This is not going to happen unless you keep your distance and give your ex space for at least two or three weeks. In the mean time, soak up all the advice you can about how to get your ex back.
Step 2 – Take a deep breath! – Get your emotions under control
Whatever you feel inside, it is essential that you learn to control your emotions before you call or meet with your ex lover.
Emotional, teary displays make people feel uneasy at best, manipulated at worst. Your ex will avoid talking or meeting with you if they suspect that this is what they will have to face. So in public at least, demonstrate control. Word will get back to your ex that you are not an emotional roller coaster.
Step 3 – Be honest! – Understand why your ex broke up with you
To understand how to get your ex lover back, you first need to understand why they called it quits. Take a good look at yourself. Admit your faults and mistakes.
At the same time, think about your positive qualities – qualities your ex may have been missing for some time, and may be missing now as they remember the early days of your relationship. To get your lover back you need to get back this “better you.” What happened to that person?
Now it’s time to take action!
Step 4 – Put things right, mend your ways
Now that you know why your ex broke up with you, you can put things right. But here’s the thing. To get your ex back it’s not enough to say you have changed.
You must make a genuine effort to change, to deal with your weaknesses and pep up your strengths. For instance, get help with any emotional and behavioral problems that have affected your relationship such as insecurity, jealousy and anger. You will then be able to offer proof of change – books and articles you have read, classes you have joined, and so on – when you meet with your ex.
Step 5 – Arrange to meet your ex
This is a critical step of this How to Get Your Ex Back plan. Again, its critical that you wait until it’s the right time to contact your ex. When it is, first, take a deep breath. Then, call or text your ex to ask if you can meet.
Keep your it short, simple and cheerful. Suggest a casual venue that is new to you both – neutral territory not associated with the past. After all, you’re looking to make a fresh start.
Your ex-lover will naturally want to know why you want to meet. Assure them that you do not have a hidden agenda. Perhaps you have a good reason – a book or CD to return. In any event, explain that you would simply like a chance to meet in nicer circumstances than when you last saw each other, to clear the air and move on.
If you have to leave a message and don’t hear back, wait a few days or a week before trying again. Don’t second guess why your ex has not replied. They may be out of town, or simply need time to make up their mind that they would like to meet. They are more likely to decide that they do if they feel it’s “safe” – something that’s more likely if you don;t push for a response.
Step 6 – Take steps to look your best
Before you meet with your ex, take steps to an irresistible new you! Think about the things your ex most liked and disliked about your look.
Although this part of the plan may seem superficial it is important.
Looking good will boost your self-esteem and confidence, and encourage your ex to believe you have changed inside too. And of course, it won’t hurt to look desirable and appealing!
Step 7 – Be prepared, stay calm when you meet
When you meet your ex lover, you will probably both be nervous. Be prepared to make an effort to put you both at ease – after all you’re the one who asked to meet.
So, before you get together try to think of some safe icebreakers, such as updates on work or friends. Another advantage to meeting somewhere new and unfamiliar to you both is that it will give you something to talk (and perhaps laugh) about.
Step 8 – Admit your faults – but don’t ask for a second chance
At some point, the conversation will turn to the Big Topic – your break-up. Make it plain that you recognize and accept your faults and mention steps you have taken towards a healthier, happier you. Make it clear that you are changing for your own sake, not anyone else’s – your ex included. Secondly, that you are not asking for a second chance. You simply want your ex to know that you understand why they left.
Your ex-lover may agree with everything you have to say about yourself, and more! Don’t get angry and defensive or point out that they have faults and shortcomings too. Let them have their say and get lingering emotions off their chest. If listening has not been your strong point, this is a chance to prove it can be!
If your meeting goes well – if you have stuck to your promises that it would be casual and civilized – you will be in a good position to suggest that you meet again some time. (Here’s more advice on meeting with your ex).
Step 9 – Give your ex-lover time and space
Now that you have accomplished the most critical part of this How to Get Your Lover Back plan – meeting with your ex – be patient.
Your ex should have left your meeting with a fresh perspective on you, your break-up, and how they feel about it. They will be impressed that you kept your promises. You were not emotional, demanding or made any attempt to get back together.
This is food for thought. Give your ex time to digest it. Try to keep busy, and your mind off the phone. If you call too soon, you will jeopardize your efforts to get your lover back. Your ex will sense that you did, after all, have a hidden agenda – and feel manipulated and cheated.
If your ex doesn’t call as soon as you’d like, again remind yourself that there are many possibilities, and that no news may be good news. In short, stay optimistic and get on with your life.
As you can see, a large element of this How to Get Your Lover Back plan is self-control. You need to control your emotions. You need to recognize and make a serious effort to minimize emotional and behavioral problems. You need to listen, and above all, you need to be patient.
It’s a challenge but you have a great incentive – this is what it takes for this How to Get Your Ex Lover Back action plan to succeed. Please look at my Ex Back 101 tips for more details on every stage or for a complete, in-depth plan to get your ex back, consider one of the best books for getting your ex back.
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